The Wedding Ceremony That Went Awry

Growing up in Eastleigh, our plot was a hub of endless childhood adventures. Every day was a new story, a new game, and the playtime didn’t stop until the sky turned dark. Even then, sometimes we would continue until our parents called us back home. Among the countless games we played, one particular evening stands out vividly in my memory. It was the day we decided to perform a wedding ceremony—a day that would later haunt me with regret over losing my grandmother's precious wedding veil.

Our gang of friends would gather, and our games would shift with our moods. On this evening, I took the lead, heavily influencing my friends to enact a wedding. Roles were assigned swiftly: flower girls, page boys, guests. However, no one my age wanted to play the bride or groom. Being the older and supposedly wiser kids, we tricked the younger ones into those roles.

Determined to make this ceremony as authentic as possible, I raided my home for props. I fetched my grandmother’s wedding veil, some leso to fashion a train, and my Dad's Holy Bible. Channeling my inner designer, I created a makeshift wedding gown with the veil and leso. The reluctant young bride had no choice but to comply, given my seniority and the assertion, “It’s my game” (game ni yangu) as we would say or (utatoka game).

I remember every detail of that day, almost as if it were yesterday. Besides being the wedding planner and designer, I appointed myself as the priest. My father’s Holy Bible became my sacred script. Thanks to my excellent Sunday school teachers and a wedding I had attended, I had a repertoire of memory verses, and I chose Genesis 2:23-25 for the ceremony:

“The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”. I wrote the whole verse here not to say I remembered it that well.

I read the verse or rather the line I remembered and conducted the ceremony with utmost seriousness, even mustering the courage to say, "Do you, John, take Mary to be your wife?" (Names changed to protect the innocent and because I can't afford a lawyer.)

The highlight of the day was, undoubtedly, a moment of sheer panic. Just as I was about to pronounce the iconic "You may now kiss the bride," I saw my dad enter the gate. I kid you not every none existent on my body stood on end and fled in terror. There I stood, clutching his Bible, staring at his bewildered face wondering what on earth I was doing which quickly faded when he asked what we were doing and I had to explain it to him.

In a blur, my dad dragged me by the ear from the ground floor to our house on the top floor. He narrated the scene to my mom, and I received my fair share of reprimanding that included some pinching. Apologies were in order to the kids we had duped into our little drama after my dad made me knock their doors and even apologize to their parents.

Despite the fallout, I had the time of my life. If only I could add "officiated a wedding" to my Curriculum Vitae, given the experience I gained. I often wonder if those kids remember the incident. Part of me hopes they don’t, but then again, it’s one of those childhood memories that will forever make me chuckle.