Love, Laughter, and Loyalty: The Unfiltered Truth About Friends and Lovers

LOVE

It has been four months since I last wrote. Four months of life happening, of moments spent in my bubble, so much so that I almost forgot this space existed. But one thing has warmed my heart—people asking, "When’s the next blog?" My sister, Ythera, asked me to write about love.

If I don’t write now, I never will. And perhaps, just perhaps, the story of Nicodemus nudged me toward this. If you don’t know it, I’ll post it on this blog. But for now, let’s talk about love—the vast, unfathomable sea that takes many forms. Love's a hefty topic, so I polled a few brave souls for their golden nuggets of wisdom on love and friendship. Turns out, most of their "profound" insights were practically identical. So, I figured, why not tackle how similar they are, focusing on the overlap between romance and friendship? Because, let's be real, who needs two separate headaches when one will do?

Friendship, to me, is “the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world.” When I first read this quote, it resonated deeply. And leave it to me to start everything with a quote! As for love? I can think of no better description than 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV):

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no..., always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

There is no better way to explain it.

Seriously, that's the best I can do. My brain isn't exactly overflowing with flowery prose on these topics, hence the crowd-sourcing. I'll dive headfirst into the glorious abyss of friendship in another blog, but for now, let's marvel at their shared quirks

The Seven Wonders of Similar Relationships (or, How Not to Screw Them Up)

Story of Nicodemus- 1

1. Communication

Whether in romance or friendship, communication is the bridge. It is how we listen, how we express, how we navigate the waters of misunderstanding. From experience, I am not the best communicator when it comes to disagreements—I tend to withdraw, to hold in my words, thinking silence will fix things. I used to believe it was because I didn’t know what I wanted. But truthfully, it stemmed from the fear of being left behind.

Yet, here’s the thing—I observe everything. I pay attention. And I have learned that the little things matter. Did you notice them? Were you listening? Because I always am.

Communication is not just about listening; it is about how we present our thoughts. Do you shout? Do you stay calm? Does your face betray your emotions? Understanding your communication style and voicing it to your friend or partner changes everything.

Don't assume your partner or friend is a mind-reader. Tell them if something makes your skin crawl, how you're feeling, or if you're navigating the existential dread of Tuesday. I know we sometimes want to retreat into our solitude, but I once read, "Don't assume they'll wait for you." Ouch. That hit home. Seriously, tell them: "I'm in the deepest pit of despair right now, but I'll emerge eventually, like a very confused butterfly." Let them know you thought of them, even in your silence.

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2. Respect

Age, status, who pays for the coffee – none of it matters. Respect is the name of the game. My Aunt Manyanga EvaG (a woman of profound wisdom) once told me, "If you can't handle an insult, don't insult. If you can't handle belittling, don't belittle. If you hate being compared, don't compare." Boom. Mic drop.

Set boundaries. No, scratch that. Set healthy boundaries. Know what makes your blood boil and what sends your friends or partner into a fit of giggles. This isn't rocket science, people.

3. Shared Experiences

Spending time together, investing in each other – it doesn't have to be a grand gesture. Little moments are the best. My friends refill my soul when we just chill and binge-watch truly terrible reality TV. The same goes for your significant other. Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies (or as my mother puts it, "mwezi hufika corner" – the month reaches a corner, implying financial tightness).

Find small ways to connect: cooking together, a movie night with popcorn (though I know you rascals, some of you, as soon as Tudum hits the screen, mko kwa room! 😂. You get the idea. Go for drives, blast some tunes, gab about your wildest dreams, picnic in the park. Fun doesn't require a trust fund.😂)

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4. Support, Value & Trust

Their dreams matter. Their victories matter. Ask about their goals—short-term and long-term.

One thing Think Like a Man taught me: “Your dreams are the only ones that matter.” That mentality? It’s flawed.

Celebrate their wins. Speak life into them. Encourage, uplift, and push—because sometimes, we need reminders that we are seen, that our aspirations are valid, that our presence holds weight.

5. Loyalty

Loyalty isn't just about faithfulness in romance (though, yeah, pretty darn key). It's also about safeguarding what they tell you. Unfortunately, we humans have a nasty habit of using our friends' and partners' deepest secrets as ammo when things go south. This has happened to me, and now I'd rather cry in a matatu (and risk being labeled "mad woman") than open up.

Be loyal to the broken child within them, the adult version desperately trying to prove their worth. Be loyal to their heart. Show up for them, through thick and thin. Life's a bumpy ride; be there to hug them, to hold their hand, be their shoulder to cry on, their ear to bend.

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6. Grow Together

This one's a no-brainer. When you pick your lifelong "headache," find ways to grow together. Set a common goal and work on it, even if it's not buying a mansion while you're still earning peanuts. It should benefit both of you. For friendships, it's about finding opportunities, inspiring each other, pushing boundaries, and generally evolving into the best versions of yourselves. Think of it as a mutual self-improvement pact.

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7. Let God Lead

Seriously, folks, let God lead the way in your romances and friendships. Pray relentlessly for your partner and your friends. Ask for guidance, health, safety, and blessings. Do devotions, Bible studies – invite God into the messy middle of it all. You'll be amazed at how successful things become when the Big Guy's on your team.

I know there are probably a gazillion more similarities, but I'll stop here and let that marinate in your brains

This blog is dedicated to my sister, Ythera, who asked me to write about this, and my cousin, Blaise, for always asking when the next blog would be.

To everyone who shared their wisdom during my research, thank you.

Love & Light,  

Bobow